Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

High tides and good vibes, until I get sand in my eyes.

Currently enjoying a strict routine of doing absolutely nothing.

My favorite summer activity is going back inside where the AC is.

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.

I am ready for retirement. Now I just need to figure out how to fund the next 50 years.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you're done.

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.