Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
I have many great qualities
or as my therapist calls them
"symptoms".
Have you heard of Amal and Juan, the identical twins? Their mother only carries a photo of one of them in her wallet, because if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.
At first leeches seem like an archaic and disgusting treatment for disease, but they grow on you.
Exercise can add more years to your life. I just ran a mile and I already feel like I'm 82.
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
Official family troublemaker.
Don't take life too seriously.
You will never get out alive.
I finally found a machine
at the gym that I like:
the vending machine.
The secret of staying young
is to live honestly, eat slowly,
and lie about your age.
I've learned to trust my gut. It may hang over my pants a little, but it still knows things.