Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

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Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
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I'm in shape. Round is a shape, isn't it?
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Constipated people don't give a crap.
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I want to live forever. So far, so good.
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Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
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No one's listening until you fart.
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Only dead fish go with the flow.
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When in doubt, mumble
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I was amused to read the epitaph on the late dentist's gravestone. It read "He's now filling his last cavity."
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I told my suitcase there will be no vacation this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.
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