Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

I clapped because it's finished, not because I liked it.

If at first you don't succeed, try doing what I told you the first time.

Life is short. Buy the shoes. Eat the cake. Take the trip.

Cool story. Remind me when to laugh.

I need new haters. The old ones became fans.

I'm just a vibe at this point.

I'm 97% sure you don't like me. But I'm 100% sure I don't care.

My phone dies faster than my motivation.

Today's mood: somewhere between a 'meh' and a yawn.