Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners

Due to a recent coin shortage, no one is allowed to put in their 2 cents anymore.

Whoever put the 'S' in fastfood is a marketing genius.

I found out my neighbor breeds deer for racing. He's always trying to make a quick buck.

We only die once. We live everyday.

For a while Houdini used trap doors in every act.
It was a stage he was going through.

I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and probably just took the biggest vowel movement ever.

Huge fight at a seafood restaurant.
Battered fish everywhere...

I was bitten by a mosquito last night.
Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today.

Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?

You really got to hand it to short people, mainly because they can't reach it...