Funny Statuses, Quotes & One-Liners
Earth: a planet so strange it thinks it’s the main character.
Chinese take-out, $9.85, Tip, $2. Getting home and finding part of your order missing, riceless.
I thought about making a fake ID, but that’s just not who I am...
I write bowling jokes on my spare time.
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store. They gave me another one, free of charge.
Inhale confidence. Exhale Doubt.
Straight roads do not make skillful drivers.
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
Time is a great healer but a lousy beautician.
I can totally keep secrets. It's the people I tell them to who can't.